I haven't blogged in over a year; I used to love writing and it would make the thousands of ideas in my head streamline into one memorable event comprised of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Well in the last year man oh man have I had a lot of thoughts. Moving, marriage, pregnancy, moving again, being homeless and in limbo... that's a lot of thoughts.
I just finished listening to an awesome sermon on marriage preached by the first pastor that I heard the true gospel from. It took me back to 4 years ago when I was just starting to follow Christ. It reminded me of John Reed and how God had this fantastic plan for us... to go from friendship, to married couple. I'm still in awe. The mingling of souls and the reconciliation of our hearts to God has been more amazing than I could have ever fathomed. This marriage has been the biggest blessing I could have ever received and man, am I undeserving!
These first seven months of marriage sure have been full of ... well, a little bit of everything.
-The week we stepped off the cruise from our honeymoon we both became violently ill with a stomach virus. Talk about getting to know your new spouse on a whole new level realllllly fast! That'll do it. We grew.
-On Valentines day, less than a month into marriage, John Reed broke his collarbone in a snowboarding fall. I learned to drive standard on the fly (through many tears) and I learned how to serve him - from dressing him to learning how to deal with him being around and bored 24/7 while he healed... we grew.
- In March, family problems abounded ... we grew.
-April, whatever happened in April I've forgotten, maybe it was just time to have a short breath. Maybe it was time to enjoy each other and get a true calm before the storm.
-May was pretty chill too... oh wait, what?!?! You're pregnant?!?!?!?! Well ok then, cue terrified me, excited him, and most of all, the peace that came with it. I had a plan... we had a plan, and somehow that plan didn't come to fruition. God had something different in mind. It was something I was never expecting. And we grew.
-June held us packing and making an offer on a house to move back to Houston, all the while dreaming of nurseries, baby clothes, and how to update this awesomely retro house we'd found and fallen in love with.
-July contained the actual drive to Houston, and then the emotional time when the sellers pulled the contract out from under us. There was lots of bitterness, there were lots of tears, and there was a lot of confusion. Did God not want us to have a house? Did God not want us to be in Houston? What do we do? Why isn't it clear? I don't understand... In fact, I honestly still don't. But God had other plans. We found another house and went under contract with this house... a house we liked a lot more and would suit us better honestly. So we looked at it as God had something better for us... and three weeks later, the mortgage got rejected because she was running a business out of it. Talk about growing. Living in a 400 sq ft garage apartment with two cats, a dog, and two adults is no easy task. I think we have learned how to live without a ton of stuff and to be happy because we have something. My grandparents have blessed us well with a plethora of food and housing too.
-In August we found a new mortgage company. We are supposed to close the first week in September. We are praying. and we are growing.
I say all of this to make this point. Life has been crazy the first 7 months. We are homeless. we don't know where we will live for sure. It's been one thing after another for months... But I do know one thing. Last night I had bad dreams and this morning my husband crawled in bed next to me and prayed for me. He prayed deeply and meaningfully. Life might be tough but I am blessed to have a partner in it forever. From puking the day after our honeymoon, to eventually teaching our kiddos how to drive... this man is mine and God is awesome for saving each of us and for dumping uncountable blessings on us.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Planning the future
There are things in life you can plan for. You plan your meals and meal prep to make sure you stay on track and put the food your body needs in it. You plan your work outfits, you plan your caffeine intake according to your needs. You plan to pay off your car and buy your first house. You can plan your whole life and then wake up the next day to have God hand you a completely different reality.
And it's good. The gift that God hands you presents you a different reality and future than you ever could have hoped or planned for. And it just... works. It makes sense. So you pray through the future, and you jump feet first into it.
That's what I'm in the process of doing. Denver.
I used to tell people all the time that I'd live in Houston forever... but if I had to live anywhere else, it would be Denver. It makes me laugh because God was obviously preparing me to end up there, at least for a while. My heart belonged to Houston for such a long time. I love this city and spent countless hours getting to know it, loving it, learning about it, and being a part of it. And frankly, Houston will always be a part of me. But now, instead of Houston having my heart, John Reed does. He takes care of it well. Yes, it's sweet and sappy, but it's also real and intense. It's the gentle, 'you should call your father' and the head shake when I'm saying the wrong things or misinterpreting scripture. It's the sweet, 'your new dresses look good on you' and the 'you make me smile' that let me know he's the one. It's being able to be in the same room and thriving without saying anything. It's my longest friendship that God has turned into something more. It's good. It's real, and in the last month and a half I have seen more clearly a picture of Christ's love for the church than I ever have before.
When I first realized John Reed wanted to pursue me, I'd asked him how long he'd been thinking about it. On my end, the jury was still out and in my mind I was taking it slow and running down every bunny hole to make sure I wasn't making a huge mistake. He told me I'd been on his heart since January and he hadn't felt it was the right timing before now (April).
It wasn't.
The last six months have been a whirlwind. Anything and everything that could possibly be tossed on me has been. I have spent lots of nights on my knees in prayer and many nights crying out to God to save my family and to heal my heart. That part in the Bible where it talks about the spirit interceding with groanings when we don't have the words? I've felt that on more than one occasion. I also, in this time of my life, was bitter for not having a 'someone' more than once. I have been guilty of thinking 'God, I want someone to cry to, someone to comfort me, someone to hold me, why don't I have anyone?' The response I got was 'Am I not enough, what more could anyone possibly give you that I can't?' Every time it hurt - because my heart is wicked, prideful, and independent. And every time, I had to search my heart and let more of myself go, more of God in. I'd like to say that now, God has complete hold on my heart and he fulfills me completely but that would be lying to myself. I'm still a work in progress. What I can say, though, is through all this pain I HAVE learned that God is enough. If I were diagnosed with cancer, or if someone died, or if a relationship ended or any other life storm was to rear it's ugly head - I stand firm in my God and cling to the only one that will never leave me or forsake me.
So while John Reed was patiently waiting on God to allow him to pursue my heart, God was tilling my heart to make it soft and malleable for John Reed to plant and take seed there. Let me tell you - it's gorgeous. God had this all planned from the very beginning of time. I surely didn't. I didn't plan for any of this to happen and I am so happy that ALL OF IT has... God surely has had the best for both of us even when we didn't see it. When I look back on the past six months of pain, suffering, and longing I see now that God was teaching me to draw near to him- to be rooted in truth and gospel. He was showing me that He is enough - and anything besides him is a gift. So I am thankful. I am thankful for life, breath, sight, desires, happiness, sadness, and people. They are all gifts. This new step in life? Gift. My Citysiders? Gift. My health? Gift. My finances? Gift. My relationship? Gift. God owes me nothing and yet has given me everything. I see this more and more clearly every day and I'm thankful God consistently and constantly finds it in his will to reveal it to me.
And it's good. The gift that God hands you presents you a different reality and future than you ever could have hoped or planned for. And it just... works. It makes sense. So you pray through the future, and you jump feet first into it.
That's what I'm in the process of doing. Denver.
I used to tell people all the time that I'd live in Houston forever... but if I had to live anywhere else, it would be Denver. It makes me laugh because God was obviously preparing me to end up there, at least for a while. My heart belonged to Houston for such a long time. I love this city and spent countless hours getting to know it, loving it, learning about it, and being a part of it. And frankly, Houston will always be a part of me. But now, instead of Houston having my heart, John Reed does. He takes care of it well. Yes, it's sweet and sappy, but it's also real and intense. It's the gentle, 'you should call your father' and the head shake when I'm saying the wrong things or misinterpreting scripture. It's the sweet, 'your new dresses look good on you' and the 'you make me smile' that let me know he's the one. It's being able to be in the same room and thriving without saying anything. It's my longest friendship that God has turned into something more. It's good. It's real, and in the last month and a half I have seen more clearly a picture of Christ's love for the church than I ever have before.
When I first realized John Reed wanted to pursue me, I'd asked him how long he'd been thinking about it. On my end, the jury was still out and in my mind I was taking it slow and running down every bunny hole to make sure I wasn't making a huge mistake. He told me I'd been on his heart since January and he hadn't felt it was the right timing before now (April).
It wasn't.
The last six months have been a whirlwind. Anything and everything that could possibly be tossed on me has been. I have spent lots of nights on my knees in prayer and many nights crying out to God to save my family and to heal my heart. That part in the Bible where it talks about the spirit interceding with groanings when we don't have the words? I've felt that on more than one occasion. I also, in this time of my life, was bitter for not having a 'someone' more than once. I have been guilty of thinking 'God, I want someone to cry to, someone to comfort me, someone to hold me, why don't I have anyone?' The response I got was 'Am I not enough, what more could anyone possibly give you that I can't?' Every time it hurt - because my heart is wicked, prideful, and independent. And every time, I had to search my heart and let more of myself go, more of God in. I'd like to say that now, God has complete hold on my heart and he fulfills me completely but that would be lying to myself. I'm still a work in progress. What I can say, though, is through all this pain I HAVE learned that God is enough. If I were diagnosed with cancer, or if someone died, or if a relationship ended or any other life storm was to rear it's ugly head - I stand firm in my God and cling to the only one that will never leave me or forsake me.
So while John Reed was patiently waiting on God to allow him to pursue my heart, God was tilling my heart to make it soft and malleable for John Reed to plant and take seed there. Let me tell you - it's gorgeous. God had this all planned from the very beginning of time. I surely didn't. I didn't plan for any of this to happen and I am so happy that ALL OF IT has... God surely has had the best for both of us even when we didn't see it. When I look back on the past six months of pain, suffering, and longing I see now that God was teaching me to draw near to him- to be rooted in truth and gospel. He was showing me that He is enough - and anything besides him is a gift. So I am thankful. I am thankful for life, breath, sight, desires, happiness, sadness, and people. They are all gifts. This new step in life? Gift. My Citysiders? Gift. My health? Gift. My finances? Gift. My relationship? Gift. God owes me nothing and yet has given me everything. I see this more and more clearly every day and I'm thankful God consistently and constantly finds it in his will to reveal it to me.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
A New Year
Like a Phoenix, I rise from the ashes.
Who would have thought the last two months of 2013 could hold so many speed bumps. You know, the kind when you're driving you get over one of them and completely miss the other just to hit your head on the top of the car just to miss the next one because you're checking your head to make sure there's no permanent damage? Or maybe you don't go over speed bumps as fast as I do.
I live by a quote 'Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.' I can honestly say I go through every single day hoping for the best in every aspect of life. I 'hope' more than most people I know. Often, it ends up hurting me. Often, it makes me cynical, and often it makes me lose faith in the goodness of man.
But more often it brings me joy... even through the very rich and deep heartache. I can turn my eyes heavenward and thank God for the little things in my life, not the big. The smile from a friend. A hug at just the right time. My dog tossing her toy into my lap. That text that I can read over and over again and cherish. The squat cycle at the gym that kicks my butt every week that I still look forward to.
Speaking of the gym, can I tell you how great it is to walk through life with the people of Cityside Crossfit? They rock. The ladies are hilarious and the guys are in one really really really large bromance. Kinnnda weirds me out some(all)times. Good days, bad days, uneventful days - they're all the same. People show up, work hard, and go home. It's just amazing. Also, I love squats.
Speaking of people that I love, lets talk about my Southside peeps. Ya'll rock. You're each so different. I LOVE different opinions, discussions, and ideas that you all have. I can't wait to see what life path we each walk down, and I can't wait to be there to walk with each of you. You encourage and inspire me.
The point is this. 2013 was a hard year. 2014 will be a hard year. I'm prepared but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little scared. I hope for the best but even if it doesn't happen I know I have the most amazing people to love me, encourage me, and when I want to quit, make me dig deep and bust out another PR.
Also, as of today I've lost 50 pounds. #-5 PR
Who would have thought the last two months of 2013 could hold so many speed bumps. You know, the kind when you're driving you get over one of them and completely miss the other just to hit your head on the top of the car just to miss the next one because you're checking your head to make sure there's no permanent damage? Or maybe you don't go over speed bumps as fast as I do.
I live by a quote 'Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.' I can honestly say I go through every single day hoping for the best in every aspect of life. I 'hope' more than most people I know. Often, it ends up hurting me. Often, it makes me cynical, and often it makes me lose faith in the goodness of man.
But more often it brings me joy... even through the very rich and deep heartache. I can turn my eyes heavenward and thank God for the little things in my life, not the big. The smile from a friend. A hug at just the right time. My dog tossing her toy into my lap. That text that I can read over and over again and cherish. The squat cycle at the gym that kicks my butt every week that I still look forward to.
Speaking of the gym, can I tell you how great it is to walk through life with the people of Cityside Crossfit? They rock. The ladies are hilarious and the guys are in one really really really large bromance. Kinnnda weirds me out some(all)times. Good days, bad days, uneventful days - they're all the same. People show up, work hard, and go home. It's just amazing. Also, I love squats.
Speaking of people that I love, lets talk about my Southside peeps. Ya'll rock. You're each so different. I LOVE different opinions, discussions, and ideas that you all have. I can't wait to see what life path we each walk down, and I can't wait to be there to walk with each of you. You encourage and inspire me.
The point is this. 2013 was a hard year. 2014 will be a hard year. I'm prepared but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little scared. I hope for the best but even if it doesn't happen I know I have the most amazing people to love me, encourage me, and when I want to quit, make me dig deep and bust out another PR.
Also, as of today I've lost 50 pounds. #-5 PR
Friday, September 13, 2013
Life as we know it
When I was in high school I had a friend die every year. As I faced each new year as a teen I also expected a new taste of death around each corner. Morbid I know, but in those days, it was sobering and reminded me that life is too short to leave lose ends and to live with drama, pain, and heart break. I did my best to survive those times, but it wasn't easy. I grieved with those who grieved, I hurt with those who hurt, and I comforted as much as possible with what little bit of love that I had to give. When I think back on those years, I think about depression, a messy home life, and a desire to run away in any way possible. While I was helping others, I was falling apart myself but college was just on the horizon and so was a bright future.
In 2005 I took off for college and never looked back. This was my chance to break away from the pain and to forget the past. I truly ran away. Just to run right into a web of half-truth teaching and more pain than I had experienced in high school. I lived three years as a confused college kid coming out of the haze that home life hadn't been normal, that I had more pain to deal with than I thought, and that I couldn't 'fix' or help my friends from college. I graduated college early because frankly, I couldn't handle the pain of being around another year to see people I loved crumble and fall apart.
In 2008 I moved to Houston and never looked back. I had money, what should have been a good career, and a bright future on the horizon, just as before. But money doesn't buy happiness and careers don't equal satisfaction. Falling deeper into depression I made some horrible life choices looking for satisfaction anywhere I could find it. Once again, I ran away.
I ended up in Nevada in 2009 working and that's when I hit my lowest point. that's also when Christ grabbed my heart and he has been holding it tight since. It's a gorgeous story of love, pursual, and redemption but for some reason, I thought that meant life would get easier. It doesn't.
I say all those things as a precursor to tonight. I spent tonight with my best friend and after lots of laughter and a few tears, we came to the realization that life doesn't get easier, and we don't really get better at it. In high school I kept telling myself I just had to survive until college. In college, I told myself I'd be happy once I was out of the hypocritical crazy world I was caught in. Once I had a career and money, I still wasn't satisfied. And now I have the thing that satisfies the most and guess what, life is still hard. We still fight depression. We still have to press into God to get through the day. Life throws curve balls at us daily. There are times I think back to high school and think 'man, that was a cake walk compared to what is happening now' and 'Geesh, I didn't think I'd ever be dealing with this kind of pain, how do I even bear this?'
Thankfully we have someone to bear that burden for us. My hope and prayer is that in 15 years from now, Lindsey and I will be sitting down crying over another hurt and pain and encouraging each other to continually turn to God and let him heal us. Because 15 years from now, I have a feeling that the things that are happening right now will be things that in retrospect weren't that hard after all.
While life doesn't get easier, our ability to trust, rely, and believe in God's continual goodness certainly does.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. - Romans 12:15
In 2005 I took off for college and never looked back. This was my chance to break away from the pain and to forget the past. I truly ran away. Just to run right into a web of half-truth teaching and more pain than I had experienced in high school. I lived three years as a confused college kid coming out of the haze that home life hadn't been normal, that I had more pain to deal with than I thought, and that I couldn't 'fix' or help my friends from college. I graduated college early because frankly, I couldn't handle the pain of being around another year to see people I loved crumble and fall apart.
In 2008 I moved to Houston and never looked back. I had money, what should have been a good career, and a bright future on the horizon, just as before. But money doesn't buy happiness and careers don't equal satisfaction. Falling deeper into depression I made some horrible life choices looking for satisfaction anywhere I could find it. Once again, I ran away.
I ended up in Nevada in 2009 working and that's when I hit my lowest point. that's also when Christ grabbed my heart and he has been holding it tight since. It's a gorgeous story of love, pursual, and redemption but for some reason, I thought that meant life would get easier. It doesn't.
I say all those things as a precursor to tonight. I spent tonight with my best friend and after lots of laughter and a few tears, we came to the realization that life doesn't get easier, and we don't really get better at it. In high school I kept telling myself I just had to survive until college. In college, I told myself I'd be happy once I was out of the hypocritical crazy world I was caught in. Once I had a career and money, I still wasn't satisfied. And now I have the thing that satisfies the most and guess what, life is still hard. We still fight depression. We still have to press into God to get through the day. Life throws curve balls at us daily. There are times I think back to high school and think 'man, that was a cake walk compared to what is happening now' and 'Geesh, I didn't think I'd ever be dealing with this kind of pain, how do I even bear this?'
Thankfully we have someone to bear that burden for us. My hope and prayer is that in 15 years from now, Lindsey and I will be sitting down crying over another hurt and pain and encouraging each other to continually turn to God and let him heal us. Because 15 years from now, I have a feeling that the things that are happening right now will be things that in retrospect weren't that hard after all.
While life doesn't get easier, our ability to trust, rely, and believe in God's continual goodness certainly does.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. - Romans 12:15
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
The truth about Alaska and the functional movement CrossFit affords
As many of you know, I ventured to Alaska for a week long camping/hiking/backwoods wilderness exploring trip. I must say, Alaska did NOT disappoint. I was amazed around every corner at the beauty of the rolling mountains - seemingly never ending and the abundant ponds, lakes, streams, and waterfalls around every bend. I didn't quite know what I would find, but I was hoping I was ready for anything.
Just like every 'city-dweller' I had fears about how I'd deal with not bathing for a week, going to the bathroom in holes, and not having cell phone service but I told myself I was embracing it and would love the experience for everything it afforded... I'm not saying I'm not an outdoors person, but in recent years, city life has definitely taken over. Now it's quite a bit easier for me to go to the store to buy fish than to run down to the pond and catch it myself as would have happened in the good ole Boyd, Texas days.
At the same time, I was also a bit worried about being able to keep up hiking and movement wise. I have been CrossFitting every day since I got back from Canada and I'm pleased - elated almost - to report I was not disappointed with my ability to keep up or the amount of 'functional movement' I used during the trip that I was glad I'd spent time building muscle for. The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and I was well prepared for Alaska because of it. Without further ado, in a comical rendition of 'name that movement' I shall list what I did and what movement it was like functionality wise.
Lunges - Because you need strong thighs to crack wood over.
Superman - When you're laying on your belly washing your hair in the river because you haven't bathed in a week.
Squats - Picking up wood you've gathered from all over the forest/eating/going to the bathroom etc etc.
Plate Carries - Taking said wood back to campground - through hell or high water.
Running - Rule one: cardio.
Box Jumps - For those steep mountains you have to climb while hiking.
Duck Walk - For crawling under glaciers just to see what's there.
The Inchworm - Because I still can't figure out how to get out of a tent without almost bringing the whole thing down around me.
Hip Extensions - For hopping across (sometimes in) streams.
in regards to burpies? my ruling is (drum roll please) useless. I didn't need to roll around on the ground and hop up really fast at all in a week period. I'd like to boycott them... just sayin... hahaha someone pass that on to Barker for me!
The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and because of CrossFit I am feeling healthy and am in the best shape I've probably ever been in. I'm thankful for this awesome life change I've embarked on and I'm even more thankful for getting to put it to good use in Alaska. It was a phenomenal trip and I can't wait to go back and experience more of the 'Last Frontier'!
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We spent the week picking wild rosehips and raspberries and eating em! I made some rosehip tea one day, it was yum!
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We spend another day exploring a mining town that had been active in the '30's. It was kind of creepy but a really cool place to visit.
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Hiking to the glacier this jeep passed us. I was a bit jealous bc it was a long hike and they were def having some offroading fun!
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Just like every 'city-dweller' I had fears about how I'd deal with not bathing for a week, going to the bathroom in holes, and not having cell phone service but I told myself I was embracing it and would love the experience for everything it afforded... I'm not saying I'm not an outdoors person, but in recent years, city life has definitely taken over. Now it's quite a bit easier for me to go to the store to buy fish than to run down to the pond and catch it myself as would have happened in the good ole Boyd, Texas days.
At the same time, I was also a bit worried about being able to keep up hiking and movement wise. I have been CrossFitting every day since I got back from Canada and I'm pleased - elated almost - to report I was not disappointed with my ability to keep up or the amount of 'functional movement' I used during the trip that I was glad I'd spent time building muscle for. The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and I was well prepared for Alaska because of it. Without further ado, in a comical rendition of 'name that movement' I shall list what I did and what movement it was like functionality wise.
Lunges - Because you need strong thighs to crack wood over.
Superman - When you're laying on your belly washing your hair in the river because you haven't bathed in a week.
Squats - Picking up wood you've gathered from all over the forest/eating/going to the bathroom etc etc.
Plate Carries - Taking said wood back to campground - through hell or high water.
Running - Rule one: cardio.
Box Jumps - For those steep mountains you have to climb while hiking.
Duck Walk - For crawling under glaciers just to see what's there.
The Inchworm - Because I still can't figure out how to get out of a tent without almost bringing the whole thing down around me.
Hip Extensions - For hopping across (sometimes in) streams.
in regards to burpies? my ruling is (drum roll please) useless. I didn't need to roll around on the ground and hop up really fast at all in a week period. I'd like to boycott them... just sayin... hahaha someone pass that on to Barker for me!
The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and because of CrossFit I am feeling healthy and am in the best shape I've probably ever been in. I'm thankful for this awesome life change I've embarked on and I'm even more thankful for getting to put it to good use in Alaska. It was a phenomenal trip and I can't wait to go back and experience more of the 'Last Frontier'!
The First day of our trip this was part of the gorgeous drive.
This waterfall was just breathtaking - and right on the side of the road!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Lessons Learned from Canadia
It's no secret that I love to travel so when the opportunity to work in Canada for 3 months presented itself I couldn't say no. That AND I had been praying for quite a while about looking for a change of pace. How could I not make this awesome opportunity mine... So I did. For the last 3 months, I have lived and resided as a Canadian - well, as an American in Canada - and let me tell you, I have learned SO much about myself, life, and God. Below I have listed quite a few things:
1. In Calgary, you need the heat in the middle of July. No joke. Yes. Be confused.
2. Canada has some of the prettiest areas in North America.
3. Glacier National Park is my favorite place in the US to date. Last weekend I took a camping/hiking trip there and wow was it gorgeous. We saw some phenomenal animals, gorgeous views, and a perfect mountain reflected in a perfect lake. God makes great things for us to enjoy. I can't wait until He makes everything perfect and new. My mind truly can't fathom what that will be like. Come Lord Jesus!!!!!
4.Some Canadians believe that Pott should be legalized in the US. They will stop at nothing to tell you you are wrong when you say there are other/real issues to deal with.
5.I love America. I do. I wish we could all come together and have world peace... or at least peace in the US. I had an 11 year old boy attempt to talk to me about September 11th. I didn't realize what a sore spot it was until he was quoting facts to me. Facts that I know inside and out. Facts that I feel deep in my bones. Facts that still to this day make me well up with tears. I didn't realize it until that conversation but I have great pride in my country. I love it to my very core.
6. Along with loving the US, I love Houston. And even more than just Houston, Montrose. My soul has ached for it every single day since I've been gone. I've missed my community, my neighborhood, my dog, and that part of me that belongs to each street and coffee shop in that small area. I have a huge fear I will die sometime in the next 9 days and not make it back.
7. Relationships are waaaay harder than they look. I made and broke one in the course of exactly 2 months. It was my first relationship since becoming a Christian, I prayed long and hard about it and felt it was the whole reason I was here. God obviously brought me to Canada to meet this person and to fall in love and to have this great relationship. Right? Wrong... I think I'm wrong anyway. I'm still processing that one but I think I wanted a relationship so badly I convinced myself it was God saying to go for it. Confusing huh? Like I said... still processing. That lesson hurt a bit. I must admit, I was mad and confused and upset that God had led me to this and simultaneously dropped the ball. While I don't feel this anymore, it has taken quite a while to heal and to give my faith back to Him. He has been faithful to remind me who He truly is and how much He cares for me and protects me. I am so blessed to be called a child of God and to get to worship and follow Him to the best of my ability. I love that He holds the future and while I want to rush things along, He is still growing and pruning me to be glorious and to reflect Him more each day.
8. I can survive natural disasters. I was homeless for exactly one week because of the flood. After all of my time in Oklahoma and Texas, you would think I would have dealt with something along these lines, but I have been lucky and haven't had to. But, I now know I'm a survivor and can make it through anything.
9. Calgarians have cowboy boots and cowboy hats that they wear 9 days a year. Stampede?!? what the heck... I'm still confused!
10. Canadians don't like Americans all that much. I've been told I'm stupid to my face more than once on this trip... but it's ok, because while I'm proud to be an American, I'm even prouder to be a Texan.
I have learned so many other things, and I'm still working through so much, but I have grown leaps and bounds in almost every way imaginable. While I'm happy to have been on this trip, I can honestly say I'm even happier to be going home... 9 days in counting!
I'll leave you with a couple of links... one is to a youtube video of a song I've been jamming out to and one is a link to the Matt Chandler sermon that has really grabbed a hold of me this trip:
The Counter-intuitive Life
1. In Calgary, you need the heat in the middle of July. No joke. Yes. Be confused.
2. Canada has some of the prettiest areas in North America.
3. Glacier National Park is my favorite place in the US to date. Last weekend I took a camping/hiking trip there and wow was it gorgeous. We saw some phenomenal animals, gorgeous views, and a perfect mountain reflected in a perfect lake. God makes great things for us to enjoy. I can't wait until He makes everything perfect and new. My mind truly can't fathom what that will be like. Come Lord Jesus!!!!!
4.Some Canadians believe that Pott should be legalized in the US. They will stop at nothing to tell you you are wrong when you say there are other/real issues to deal with.
5.I love America. I do. I wish we could all come together and have world peace... or at least peace in the US. I had an 11 year old boy attempt to talk to me about September 11th. I didn't realize what a sore spot it was until he was quoting facts to me. Facts that I know inside and out. Facts that I feel deep in my bones. Facts that still to this day make me well up with tears. I didn't realize it until that conversation but I have great pride in my country. I love it to my very core.
6. Along with loving the US, I love Houston. And even more than just Houston, Montrose. My soul has ached for it every single day since I've been gone. I've missed my community, my neighborhood, my dog, and that part of me that belongs to each street and coffee shop in that small area. I have a huge fear I will die sometime in the next 9 days and not make it back.
7. Relationships are waaaay harder than they look. I made and broke one in the course of exactly 2 months. It was my first relationship since becoming a Christian, I prayed long and hard about it and felt it was the whole reason I was here. God obviously brought me to Canada to meet this person and to fall in love and to have this great relationship. Right? Wrong... I think I'm wrong anyway. I'm still processing that one but I think I wanted a relationship so badly I convinced myself it was God saying to go for it. Confusing huh? Like I said... still processing. That lesson hurt a bit. I must admit, I was mad and confused and upset that God had led me to this and simultaneously dropped the ball. While I don't feel this anymore, it has taken quite a while to heal and to give my faith back to Him. He has been faithful to remind me who He truly is and how much He cares for me and protects me. I am so blessed to be called a child of God and to get to worship and follow Him to the best of my ability. I love that He holds the future and while I want to rush things along, He is still growing and pruning me to be glorious and to reflect Him more each day.
8. I can survive natural disasters. I was homeless for exactly one week because of the flood. After all of my time in Oklahoma and Texas, you would think I would have dealt with something along these lines, but I have been lucky and haven't had to. But, I now know I'm a survivor and can make it through anything.
9. Calgarians have cowboy boots and cowboy hats that they wear 9 days a year. Stampede?!? what the heck... I'm still confused!
10. Canadians don't like Americans all that much. I've been told I'm stupid to my face more than once on this trip... but it's ok, because while I'm proud to be an American, I'm even prouder to be a Texan.
I have learned so many other things, and I'm still working through so much, but I have grown leaps and bounds in almost every way imaginable. While I'm happy to have been on this trip, I can honestly say I'm even happier to be going home... 9 days in counting!
I'll leave you with a couple of links... one is to a youtube video of a song I've been jamming out to and one is a link to the Matt Chandler sermon that has really grabbed a hold of me this trip:
The Counter-intuitive Life
Sunday, July 1, 2012
A fire set ablaze... the damage of our tongues
'How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And ithe tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, jstaining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life,1 and set on fire by hell.2 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, kfull of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people lwho are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers,3 these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.'
James 3:5-12
Convicted? Yeah, I am too... Especially after this weekend. There is some really powerful stuff up there. My journey in James started about a week ago. Up until then, I'd been just poking through different books, enjoying what I was getting from the OT preparing people for Jesus and being in awe of the NT with all that Jesus does and teaches us. For some reason, after a long day, the book of James just sort of popped into my head. I turned, started reading, and started feeling pretty crappy. I mean, who hasn't given into temptation, to that desire? Shortly and sweetly, James has handed me a magnifying glass and I'm seeing quite a few imperfections that need to be buffed out.
Yesterday was a busy day to say the least. Family reunion, Dynamo game, Devin's birthday, Mike's homecomming. I found myself driving home being thankful I could make all of it happen. I mean, I'd accomplished a lot in a day, kudos to me making everyone happy... for there not to have been tears or to have ended up in a massive fight saying many cutting things was really difficult... oh wait... that did happen.
Mom and Garrett came in Thursday as did the condescending side of me. Friday... same... Saturday... family reunion... same... Sunday... same. And now I sit here frazzled and tired. That person that I was all weekend has exhausted my soul... that part that should be patient, loving, kind. So, in the great way that God reveals scripture to us of course I end up reading this portion of James. Ouch. The part that is patient, loving, and kind comes so naturally except for when I'm around the people I should love the most and when I think about it, need to be loved the most. How does that work? My lack of patience with my family is astounding.
The tongue is full of deadly poison, blessing our Father and cursing people made in the likeness of God. (paraphrased). Well yes, that was what my tongue was this weekend. Whether it be gossiping about that family member, rolling my eyes because they don't agree with the church I go to, telling my brother he's dumb for the decisions he makes, griping at my mom because she didn't tell me the right church to go to... I'm doing that to and about people made in the likeness of God. People that Christ loves. People that he died for.
And it goes even deeper than that. It's not just about what I say to my family. It's my every day speech. From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. Do I have a dualistic tongue? Do I reach out to people that have a need? Do I have kind words? Do I give fresh water or salt water? Do I sugar coat the truth and then write it off as trying to be accepting of the world? I'll leave you to think and answer about yourself. I already know my answer.
Our tongue has deadly poison. I'm thinking of a snake right now, forked tongue, fangs, curled and ready to strike. My tongue is the same. It can pack a powerful punch to anyone if I know how to use my words correctly. It can build up, it can tear down. It is something I need to work on, mainly with my family, but with others too. It's also something I should feel guilty about... but even after writing all of this, I don't. It's actually really frustrating because every time I see my family I think 'I need to make sure to be nice' and then don't. It's too easy to get frazzled. My thought process: explaining how to close a garage door is not something that's on my list of things to be nice about. If you can't figure it out, you're dumb and I'm not sure how you made it this far in life. Same with pumping gas. If you need step by step instruction, I'm not going to be nice because you're an idiot. Use the mind you have and think for yourself, it's too exhausting for me to think for the both of us.
Two problems: I shouldn't think that, let alone voice it. It's not nice. How often did Jesus (even if you're not thinking of him as the son of God but as just a good teacher) look at people and shake his head at their incomprehension and then in love continue to teach them and make them see? Every time. He never let his tongue run rampant and he never lost patience. Good thing too, otherwise I'd be using that as my first defense. Instead... it's my job to love. To show patience. To take a deep breath and explain to push the little gray button outside the garage door and it closes on its own and to do that with a humble heart remembering how dumb and stupid I've been and continue to be. And most of all, to remember how loved I am by Christ... that while I was still dumb, blind, deaf, and sinful, Christ died for me and continues to do so every day without ever grumbling.
James 3:5-12
Convicted? Yeah, I am too... Especially after this weekend. There is some really powerful stuff up there. My journey in James started about a week ago. Up until then, I'd been just poking through different books, enjoying what I was getting from the OT preparing people for Jesus and being in awe of the NT with all that Jesus does and teaches us. For some reason, after a long day, the book of James just sort of popped into my head. I turned, started reading, and started feeling pretty crappy. I mean, who hasn't given into temptation, to that desire? Shortly and sweetly, James has handed me a magnifying glass and I'm seeing quite a few imperfections that need to be buffed out.
Yesterday was a busy day to say the least. Family reunion, Dynamo game, Devin's birthday, Mike's homecomming. I found myself driving home being thankful I could make all of it happen. I mean, I'd accomplished a lot in a day, kudos to me making everyone happy... for there not to have been tears or to have ended up in a massive fight saying many cutting things was really difficult... oh wait... that did happen.
Mom and Garrett came in Thursday as did the condescending side of me. Friday... same... Saturday... family reunion... same... Sunday... same. And now I sit here frazzled and tired. That person that I was all weekend has exhausted my soul... that part that should be patient, loving, kind. So, in the great way that God reveals scripture to us of course I end up reading this portion of James. Ouch. The part that is patient, loving, and kind comes so naturally except for when I'm around the people I should love the most and when I think about it, need to be loved the most. How does that work? My lack of patience with my family is astounding.
The tongue is full of deadly poison, blessing our Father and cursing people made in the likeness of God. (paraphrased). Well yes, that was what my tongue was this weekend. Whether it be gossiping about that family member, rolling my eyes because they don't agree with the church I go to, telling my brother he's dumb for the decisions he makes, griping at my mom because she didn't tell me the right church to go to... I'm doing that to and about people made in the likeness of God. People that Christ loves. People that he died for.
And it goes even deeper than that. It's not just about what I say to my family. It's my every day speech. From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. Do I have a dualistic tongue? Do I reach out to people that have a need? Do I have kind words? Do I give fresh water or salt water? Do I sugar coat the truth and then write it off as trying to be accepting of the world? I'll leave you to think and answer about yourself. I already know my answer.
Our tongue has deadly poison. I'm thinking of a snake right now, forked tongue, fangs, curled and ready to strike. My tongue is the same. It can pack a powerful punch to anyone if I know how to use my words correctly. It can build up, it can tear down. It is something I need to work on, mainly with my family, but with others too. It's also something I should feel guilty about... but even after writing all of this, I don't. It's actually really frustrating because every time I see my family I think 'I need to make sure to be nice' and then don't. It's too easy to get frazzled. My thought process: explaining how to close a garage door is not something that's on my list of things to be nice about. If you can't figure it out, you're dumb and I'm not sure how you made it this far in life. Same with pumping gas. If you need step by step instruction, I'm not going to be nice because you're an idiot. Use the mind you have and think for yourself, it's too exhausting for me to think for the both of us.
Two problems: I shouldn't think that, let alone voice it. It's not nice. How often did Jesus (even if you're not thinking of him as the son of God but as just a good teacher) look at people and shake his head at their incomprehension and then in love continue to teach them and make them see? Every time. He never let his tongue run rampant and he never lost patience. Good thing too, otherwise I'd be using that as my first defense. Instead... it's my job to love. To show patience. To take a deep breath and explain to push the little gray button outside the garage door and it closes on its own and to do that with a humble heart remembering how dumb and stupid I've been and continue to be. And most of all, to remember how loved I am by Christ... that while I was still dumb, blind, deaf, and sinful, Christ died for me and continues to do so every day without ever grumbling.
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