When I was in high school I had a friend die every year. As I faced each new year as a teen I also expected a new taste of death around each corner. Morbid I know, but in those days, it was sobering and reminded me that life is too short to leave lose ends and to live with drama, pain, and heart break. I did my best to survive those times, but it wasn't easy. I grieved with those who grieved, I hurt with those who hurt, and I comforted as much as possible with what little bit of love that I had to give. When I think back on those years, I think about depression, a messy home life, and a desire to run away in any way possible. While I was helping others, I was falling apart myself but college was just on the horizon and so was a bright future.
In 2005 I took off for college and never looked back. This was my chance to break away from the pain and to forget the past. I truly ran away. Just to run right into a web of half-truth teaching and more pain than I had experienced in high school. I lived three years as a confused college kid coming out of the haze that home life hadn't been normal, that I had more pain to deal with than I thought, and that I couldn't 'fix' or help my friends from college. I graduated college early because frankly, I couldn't handle the pain of being around another year to see people I loved crumble and fall apart.
In 2008 I moved to Houston and never looked back. I had money, what should have been a good career, and a bright future on the horizon, just as before. But money doesn't buy happiness and careers don't equal satisfaction. Falling deeper into depression I made some horrible life choices looking for satisfaction anywhere I could find it. Once again, I ran away.
I ended up in Nevada in 2009 working and that's when I hit my lowest point. that's also when Christ grabbed my heart and he has been holding it tight since. It's a gorgeous story of love, pursual, and redemption but for some reason, I thought that meant life would get easier. It doesn't.
I say all those things as a precursor to tonight. I spent tonight with my best friend and after lots of laughter and a few tears, we came to the realization that life doesn't get easier, and we don't really get better at it. In high school I kept telling myself I just had to survive until college. In college, I told myself I'd be happy once I was out of the hypocritical crazy world I was caught in. Once I had a career and money, I still wasn't satisfied. And now I have the thing that satisfies the most and guess what, life is still hard. We still fight depression. We still have to press into God to get through the day. Life throws curve balls at us daily. There are times I think back to high school and think 'man, that was a cake walk compared to what is happening now' and 'Geesh, I didn't think I'd ever be dealing with this kind of pain, how do I even bear this?'
Thankfully we have someone to bear that burden for us. My hope and prayer is that in 15 years from now, Lindsey and I will be sitting down crying over another hurt and pain and encouraging each other to continually turn to God and let him heal us. Because 15 years from now, I have a feeling that the things that are happening right now will be things that in retrospect weren't that hard after all.
While life doesn't get easier, our ability to trust, rely, and believe in God's continual goodness certainly does.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. - Romans 12:15
Friday, September 13, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
The truth about Alaska and the functional movement CrossFit affords
As many of you know, I ventured to Alaska for a week long camping/hiking/backwoods wilderness exploring trip. I must say, Alaska did NOT disappoint. I was amazed around every corner at the beauty of the rolling mountains - seemingly never ending and the abundant ponds, lakes, streams, and waterfalls around every bend. I didn't quite know what I would find, but I was hoping I was ready for anything.
Just like every 'city-dweller' I had fears about how I'd deal with not bathing for a week, going to the bathroom in holes, and not having cell phone service but I told myself I was embracing it and would love the experience for everything it afforded... I'm not saying I'm not an outdoors person, but in recent years, city life has definitely taken over. Now it's quite a bit easier for me to go to the store to buy fish than to run down to the pond and catch it myself as would have happened in the good ole Boyd, Texas days.
At the same time, I was also a bit worried about being able to keep up hiking and movement wise. I have been CrossFitting every day since I got back from Canada and I'm pleased - elated almost - to report I was not disappointed with my ability to keep up or the amount of 'functional movement' I used during the trip that I was glad I'd spent time building muscle for. The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and I was well prepared for Alaska because of it. Without further ado, in a comical rendition of 'name that movement' I shall list what I did and what movement it was like functionality wise.
Lunges - Because you need strong thighs to crack wood over.
Superman - When you're laying on your belly washing your hair in the river because you haven't bathed in a week.
Squats - Picking up wood you've gathered from all over the forest/eating/going to the bathroom etc etc.
Plate Carries - Taking said wood back to campground - through hell or high water.
Running - Rule one: cardio.
Box Jumps - For those steep mountains you have to climb while hiking.
Duck Walk - For crawling under glaciers just to see what's there.
The Inchworm - Because I still can't figure out how to get out of a tent without almost bringing the whole thing down around me.
Hip Extensions - For hopping across (sometimes in) streams.
in regards to burpies? my ruling is (drum roll please) useless. I didn't need to roll around on the ground and hop up really fast at all in a week period. I'd like to boycott them... just sayin... hahaha someone pass that on to Barker for me!
The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and because of CrossFit I am feeling healthy and am in the best shape I've probably ever been in. I'm thankful for this awesome life change I've embarked on and I'm even more thankful for getting to put it to good use in Alaska. It was a phenomenal trip and I can't wait to go back and experience more of the 'Last Frontier'!
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We spent the week picking wild rosehips and raspberries and eating em! I made some rosehip tea one day, it was yum!
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We spend another day exploring a mining town that had been active in the '30's. It was kind of creepy but a really cool place to visit.
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Hiking to the glacier this jeep passed us. I was a bit jealous bc it was a long hike and they were def having some offroading fun!
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Just like every 'city-dweller' I had fears about how I'd deal with not bathing for a week, going to the bathroom in holes, and not having cell phone service but I told myself I was embracing it and would love the experience for everything it afforded... I'm not saying I'm not an outdoors person, but in recent years, city life has definitely taken over. Now it's quite a bit easier for me to go to the store to buy fish than to run down to the pond and catch it myself as would have happened in the good ole Boyd, Texas days.
At the same time, I was also a bit worried about being able to keep up hiking and movement wise. I have been CrossFitting every day since I got back from Canada and I'm pleased - elated almost - to report I was not disappointed with my ability to keep up or the amount of 'functional movement' I used during the trip that I was glad I'd spent time building muscle for. The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and I was well prepared for Alaska because of it. Without further ado, in a comical rendition of 'name that movement' I shall list what I did and what movement it was like functionality wise.
Lunges - Because you need strong thighs to crack wood over.
Superman - When you're laying on your belly washing your hair in the river because you haven't bathed in a week.
Squats - Picking up wood you've gathered from all over the forest/eating/going to the bathroom etc etc.
Plate Carries - Taking said wood back to campground - through hell or high water.
Running - Rule one: cardio.
Box Jumps - For those steep mountains you have to climb while hiking.
Duck Walk - For crawling under glaciers just to see what's there.
The Inchworm - Because I still can't figure out how to get out of a tent without almost bringing the whole thing down around me.
Hip Extensions - For hopping across (sometimes in) streams.
in regards to burpies? my ruling is (drum roll please) useless. I didn't need to roll around on the ground and hop up really fast at all in a week period. I'd like to boycott them... just sayin... hahaha someone pass that on to Barker for me!
The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and because of CrossFit I am feeling healthy and am in the best shape I've probably ever been in. I'm thankful for this awesome life change I've embarked on and I'm even more thankful for getting to put it to good use in Alaska. It was a phenomenal trip and I can't wait to go back and experience more of the 'Last Frontier'!
The First day of our trip this was part of the gorgeous drive.
This waterfall was just breathtaking - and right on the side of the road!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Lessons Learned from Canadia
It's no secret that I love to travel so when the opportunity to work in Canada for 3 months presented itself I couldn't say no. That AND I had been praying for quite a while about looking for a change of pace. How could I not make this awesome opportunity mine... So I did. For the last 3 months, I have lived and resided as a Canadian - well, as an American in Canada - and let me tell you, I have learned SO much about myself, life, and God. Below I have listed quite a few things:
1. In Calgary, you need the heat in the middle of July. No joke. Yes. Be confused.
2. Canada has some of the prettiest areas in North America.
3. Glacier National Park is my favorite place in the US to date. Last weekend I took a camping/hiking trip there and wow was it gorgeous. We saw some phenomenal animals, gorgeous views, and a perfect mountain reflected in a perfect lake. God makes great things for us to enjoy. I can't wait until He makes everything perfect and new. My mind truly can't fathom what that will be like. Come Lord Jesus!!!!!
4.Some Canadians believe that Pott should be legalized in the US. They will stop at nothing to tell you you are wrong when you say there are other/real issues to deal with.
5.I love America. I do. I wish we could all come together and have world peace... or at least peace in the US. I had an 11 year old boy attempt to talk to me about September 11th. I didn't realize what a sore spot it was until he was quoting facts to me. Facts that I know inside and out. Facts that I feel deep in my bones. Facts that still to this day make me well up with tears. I didn't realize it until that conversation but I have great pride in my country. I love it to my very core.
6. Along with loving the US, I love Houston. And even more than just Houston, Montrose. My soul has ached for it every single day since I've been gone. I've missed my community, my neighborhood, my dog, and that part of me that belongs to each street and coffee shop in that small area. I have a huge fear I will die sometime in the next 9 days and not make it back.
7. Relationships are waaaay harder than they look. I made and broke one in the course of exactly 2 months. It was my first relationship since becoming a Christian, I prayed long and hard about it and felt it was the whole reason I was here. God obviously brought me to Canada to meet this person and to fall in love and to have this great relationship. Right? Wrong... I think I'm wrong anyway. I'm still processing that one but I think I wanted a relationship so badly I convinced myself it was God saying to go for it. Confusing huh? Like I said... still processing. That lesson hurt a bit. I must admit, I was mad and confused and upset that God had led me to this and simultaneously dropped the ball. While I don't feel this anymore, it has taken quite a while to heal and to give my faith back to Him. He has been faithful to remind me who He truly is and how much He cares for me and protects me. I am so blessed to be called a child of God and to get to worship and follow Him to the best of my ability. I love that He holds the future and while I want to rush things along, He is still growing and pruning me to be glorious and to reflect Him more each day.
8. I can survive natural disasters. I was homeless for exactly one week because of the flood. After all of my time in Oklahoma and Texas, you would think I would have dealt with something along these lines, but I have been lucky and haven't had to. But, I now know I'm a survivor and can make it through anything.
9. Calgarians have cowboy boots and cowboy hats that they wear 9 days a year. Stampede?!? what the heck... I'm still confused!
10. Canadians don't like Americans all that much. I've been told I'm stupid to my face more than once on this trip... but it's ok, because while I'm proud to be an American, I'm even prouder to be a Texan.
I have learned so many other things, and I'm still working through so much, but I have grown leaps and bounds in almost every way imaginable. While I'm happy to have been on this trip, I can honestly say I'm even happier to be going home... 9 days in counting!
I'll leave you with a couple of links... one is to a youtube video of a song I've been jamming out to and one is a link to the Matt Chandler sermon that has really grabbed a hold of me this trip:
The Counter-intuitive Life
1. In Calgary, you need the heat in the middle of July. No joke. Yes. Be confused.
2. Canada has some of the prettiest areas in North America.
3. Glacier National Park is my favorite place in the US to date. Last weekend I took a camping/hiking trip there and wow was it gorgeous. We saw some phenomenal animals, gorgeous views, and a perfect mountain reflected in a perfect lake. God makes great things for us to enjoy. I can't wait until He makes everything perfect and new. My mind truly can't fathom what that will be like. Come Lord Jesus!!!!!
4.Some Canadians believe that Pott should be legalized in the US. They will stop at nothing to tell you you are wrong when you say there are other/real issues to deal with.
5.I love America. I do. I wish we could all come together and have world peace... or at least peace in the US. I had an 11 year old boy attempt to talk to me about September 11th. I didn't realize what a sore spot it was until he was quoting facts to me. Facts that I know inside and out. Facts that I feel deep in my bones. Facts that still to this day make me well up with tears. I didn't realize it until that conversation but I have great pride in my country. I love it to my very core.
6. Along with loving the US, I love Houston. And even more than just Houston, Montrose. My soul has ached for it every single day since I've been gone. I've missed my community, my neighborhood, my dog, and that part of me that belongs to each street and coffee shop in that small area. I have a huge fear I will die sometime in the next 9 days and not make it back.
7. Relationships are waaaay harder than they look. I made and broke one in the course of exactly 2 months. It was my first relationship since becoming a Christian, I prayed long and hard about it and felt it was the whole reason I was here. God obviously brought me to Canada to meet this person and to fall in love and to have this great relationship. Right? Wrong... I think I'm wrong anyway. I'm still processing that one but I think I wanted a relationship so badly I convinced myself it was God saying to go for it. Confusing huh? Like I said... still processing. That lesson hurt a bit. I must admit, I was mad and confused and upset that God had led me to this and simultaneously dropped the ball. While I don't feel this anymore, it has taken quite a while to heal and to give my faith back to Him. He has been faithful to remind me who He truly is and how much He cares for me and protects me. I am so blessed to be called a child of God and to get to worship and follow Him to the best of my ability. I love that He holds the future and while I want to rush things along, He is still growing and pruning me to be glorious and to reflect Him more each day.
8. I can survive natural disasters. I was homeless for exactly one week because of the flood. After all of my time in Oklahoma and Texas, you would think I would have dealt with something along these lines, but I have been lucky and haven't had to. But, I now know I'm a survivor and can make it through anything.
9. Calgarians have cowboy boots and cowboy hats that they wear 9 days a year. Stampede?!? what the heck... I'm still confused!
10. Canadians don't like Americans all that much. I've been told I'm stupid to my face more than once on this trip... but it's ok, because while I'm proud to be an American, I'm even prouder to be a Texan.
I have learned so many other things, and I'm still working through so much, but I have grown leaps and bounds in almost every way imaginable. While I'm happy to have been on this trip, I can honestly say I'm even happier to be going home... 9 days in counting!
I'll leave you with a couple of links... one is to a youtube video of a song I've been jamming out to and one is a link to the Matt Chandler sermon that has really grabbed a hold of me this trip:
The Counter-intuitive Life
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