'How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And ithe tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, jstaining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life,1 and set on fire by hell.2 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, kfull of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people lwho are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers,3 these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.'
James 3:5-12
Convicted? Yeah, I am too... Especially after this weekend. There is some really powerful stuff up there. My journey in James started about a week ago. Up until then, I'd been just poking through different books, enjoying what I was getting from the OT preparing people for Jesus and being in awe of the NT with all that Jesus does and teaches us. For some reason, after a long day, the book of James just sort of popped into my head. I turned, started reading, and started feeling pretty crappy. I mean, who hasn't given into temptation, to that desire? Shortly and sweetly, James has handed me a magnifying glass and I'm seeing quite a few imperfections that need to be buffed out.
Yesterday was a busy day to say the least. Family reunion, Dynamo game, Devin's birthday, Mike's homecomming. I found myself driving home being thankful I could make all of it happen. I mean, I'd accomplished a lot in a day, kudos to me making everyone happy... for there not to have been tears or to have ended up in a massive fight saying many cutting things was really difficult... oh wait... that did happen.
Mom and Garrett came in Thursday as did the condescending side of me. Friday... same... Saturday... family reunion... same... Sunday... same. And now I sit here frazzled and tired. That person that I was all weekend has exhausted my soul... that part that should be patient, loving, kind. So, in the great way that God reveals scripture to us of course I end up reading this portion of James. Ouch. The part that is patient, loving, and kind comes so naturally except for when I'm around the people I should love the most and when I think about it, need to be loved the most. How does that work? My lack of patience with my family is astounding.
The tongue is full of deadly poison, blessing our Father and cursing people made in the likeness of God. (paraphrased). Well yes, that was what my tongue was this weekend. Whether it be gossiping about that family member, rolling my eyes because they don't agree with the church I go to, telling my brother he's dumb for the decisions he makes, griping at my mom because she didn't tell me the right church to go to... I'm doing that to and about people made in the likeness of God. People that Christ loves. People that he died for.
And it goes even deeper than that. It's not just about what I say to my family. It's my every day speech. From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. Do I have a dualistic tongue? Do I reach out to people that have a need? Do I have kind words? Do I give fresh water or salt water? Do I sugar coat the truth and then write it off as trying to be accepting of the world? I'll leave you to think and answer about yourself. I already know my answer.
Our tongue has deadly poison. I'm thinking of a snake right now, forked tongue, fangs, curled and ready to strike. My tongue is the same. It can pack a powerful punch to anyone if I know how to use my words correctly. It can build up, it can tear down. It is something I need to work on, mainly with my family, but with others too. It's also something I should feel guilty about... but even after writing all of this, I don't. It's actually really frustrating because every time I see my family I think 'I need to make sure to be nice' and then don't. It's too easy to get frazzled. My thought process: explaining how to close a garage door is not something that's on my list of things to be nice about. If you can't figure it out, you're dumb and I'm not sure how you made it this far in life. Same with pumping gas. If you need step by step instruction, I'm not going to be nice because you're an idiot. Use the mind you have and think for yourself, it's too exhausting for me to think for the both of us.
Two problems: I shouldn't think that, let alone voice it. It's not nice. How often did Jesus (even if you're not thinking of him as the son of God but as just a good teacher) look at people and shake his head at their incomprehension and then in love continue to teach them and make them see? Every time. He never let his tongue run rampant and he never lost patience. Good thing too, otherwise I'd be using that as my first defense. Instead... it's my job to love. To show patience. To take a deep breath and explain to push the little gray button outside the garage door and it closes on its own and to do that with a humble heart remembering how dumb and stupid I've been and continue to be. And most of all, to remember how loved I am by Christ... that while I was still dumb, blind, deaf, and sinful, Christ died for me and continues to do so every day without ever grumbling.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Nicaragua and Taco Cabana
I realize the title of this blog seems to tackle two completely different avenues, but trust me... through a little explanation, I will attempt to intertwine them.
So, I've officially been home a week from Nicaragua, and though I thought things would get easier, they haven't. I wanted to write all last week about my experience and everything I enjoyed and learned but I couldn't figure out how to put it into words.Every time I spend 10 dollars, I think 'I just spent a 20th of a months salary for the average Nicaraguan worker' or every time I get in my car, I think 'I have a car' or when I come inside I think 'I have air conditioning' when I feed my dog I think 'she is one lucky pup'. My whole thought process has changed. I don't think I was culture shocked by the Nicaraguan way of life, I think I was culture shocked coming back across the border.
My life here in Houston is lived out on a day to day basis around coworkers, friends, and sojourners. When I left for Nicaragua I expected to be surrounded by people needing something from me as my fellow coworkers, friends and sojourners do (or seem to). Instead, God handed me people with a faith much stronger than I knew faith could be. I fell into a community of believers who strengthened each other every single day and who relied on Christ and each other from food to encouragement. A people with a vibrant prayer life, not a list of thanks and requests. There was unspeakable joy... the joy that comes from Christ and there was unspeakable peace. Looking at my life here I see joy, peace, prayer, and faith, but sadly I see self reliance more than anything else. I see someone who doesn't give everything to Christ, I hold on to pieces because, well, frankly, I can. I am an American, I'm an independent woman, and I've always taken care of myself. Fitting God into that definition of self is something I can't do very easily. I'm called to deny myself and follow Christ and it's something I haven't done with my whole being. As of late I'm struggling to figure out exactly how to and what doing that looks like. God shouldn't 'fit into' my definition of self, God should be THE definition.
For the last two years, I've had season tickets to the dynamo. Long story short, I LOVE soccer. I know stats of players, I know teams, records, line ups, all the dumb stuff. I go to the dynamo games with my grandpa and his wife, and thoroughly enjoy every second of their company, whether it be bickering, joking, or the atypical amount of alcohol my grandpa tends to consume. After every dynamo game, we pack up the car and drive to Taco Cabana on Kirby and that's where the fun begins. For the last two years, every time we go without almost fail a guy named Calvin is working there. Calvin doesn't look like he's had an easy life, lacking teeth, walks with a limp (maybe swagger), and in general would be someone I'd avoid if I were walking on the street day or night. But man... if my grandpa were a Christian, he'd be the best 'intentional person on mission' I know. My grandpa started joking with him about 2 years ago when we decided to stop by late one night and there hasn't been another place for us since. Calvin has so much joy and is ALWAYS working his job to the best of his ability. Last night, it was like a family reunion. We hadn't seen him in like 4 months because of off season and when we walked in, we all got great hugs and he was so happy to see us. He took our order, told us he had been promoted to shift manager, and brought us our food. We congratulated him on his promotion and asked what hours they had him on. He said he was working 10PM to 4AM. We were flabbergasted and then even more flabbergasted when we realized the bus doesn't run that late. We asked him how he got home (to the 3rd ward) and he told us most days he walked. He said it takes him about an hour and a half on a good night he said he has time to think and pray... um what?!? You walk an hour and a half home every day so you can have a job?!? Um... that sure did put me in my place. You know what else I noticed... he had tucked away in his back pocket a small Bible. I see this man who has obviously had a rough life, but has gotten it together and held down a job for at least the last 2 years. His joy, work ethic and great spirit... I'm gonna equate that to Christ saving him. It made me all the more joyful knowing God plucks each and every one of us out of sin and damnation and makes us co-heirs. Man, how awesome is that and how easily do I take that for granted because I have everything I could ever want or need?
Even today I ask myself 'am I truly believing that everything is in God's hands?' I find myself wondering how to remove my definition of self, look to Christ, and have pure, undefiled joy and faith that He is in control. I need the faith of the village and the joy of Calvin to continually stir my emotions and remind me that Christ is in control and his will is best. Being an American and having so much 'stuff' doesn't make me dependent on Christ. It makes me thankful he provides, sure, but it doesn't point me back to what I should well know... if my world would fall apart tomorrow and I had nothing but my faith and Christ... that would be more that I could ever hope for.
'As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God...' -2 Timothy 6:17
So, I've officially been home a week from Nicaragua, and though I thought things would get easier, they haven't. I wanted to write all last week about my experience and everything I enjoyed and learned but I couldn't figure out how to put it into words.Every time I spend 10 dollars, I think 'I just spent a 20th of a months salary for the average Nicaraguan worker' or every time I get in my car, I think 'I have a car' or when I come inside I think 'I have air conditioning' when I feed my dog I think 'she is one lucky pup'. My whole thought process has changed. I don't think I was culture shocked by the Nicaraguan way of life, I think I was culture shocked coming back across the border.
My life here in Houston is lived out on a day to day basis around coworkers, friends, and sojourners. When I left for Nicaragua I expected to be surrounded by people needing something from me as my fellow coworkers, friends and sojourners do (or seem to). Instead, God handed me people with a faith much stronger than I knew faith could be. I fell into a community of believers who strengthened each other every single day and who relied on Christ and each other from food to encouragement. A people with a vibrant prayer life, not a list of thanks and requests. There was unspeakable joy... the joy that comes from Christ and there was unspeakable peace. Looking at my life here I see joy, peace, prayer, and faith, but sadly I see self reliance more than anything else. I see someone who doesn't give everything to Christ, I hold on to pieces because, well, frankly, I can. I am an American, I'm an independent woman, and I've always taken care of myself. Fitting God into that definition of self is something I can't do very easily. I'm called to deny myself and follow Christ and it's something I haven't done with my whole being. As of late I'm struggling to figure out exactly how to and what doing that looks like. God shouldn't 'fit into' my definition of self, God should be THE definition.
For the last two years, I've had season tickets to the dynamo. Long story short, I LOVE soccer. I know stats of players, I know teams, records, line ups, all the dumb stuff. I go to the dynamo games with my grandpa and his wife, and thoroughly enjoy every second of their company, whether it be bickering, joking, or the atypical amount of alcohol my grandpa tends to consume. After every dynamo game, we pack up the car and drive to Taco Cabana on Kirby and that's where the fun begins. For the last two years, every time we go without almost fail a guy named Calvin is working there. Calvin doesn't look like he's had an easy life, lacking teeth, walks with a limp (maybe swagger), and in general would be someone I'd avoid if I were walking on the street day or night. But man... if my grandpa were a Christian, he'd be the best 'intentional person on mission' I know. My grandpa started joking with him about 2 years ago when we decided to stop by late one night and there hasn't been another place for us since. Calvin has so much joy and is ALWAYS working his job to the best of his ability. Last night, it was like a family reunion. We hadn't seen him in like 4 months because of off season and when we walked in, we all got great hugs and he was so happy to see us. He took our order, told us he had been promoted to shift manager, and brought us our food. We congratulated him on his promotion and asked what hours they had him on. He said he was working 10PM to 4AM. We were flabbergasted and then even more flabbergasted when we realized the bus doesn't run that late. We asked him how he got home (to the 3rd ward) and he told us most days he walked. He said it takes him about an hour and a half on a good night he said he has time to think and pray... um what?!? You walk an hour and a half home every day so you can have a job?!? Um... that sure did put me in my place. You know what else I noticed... he had tucked away in his back pocket a small Bible. I see this man who has obviously had a rough life, but has gotten it together and held down a job for at least the last 2 years. His joy, work ethic and great spirit... I'm gonna equate that to Christ saving him. It made me all the more joyful knowing God plucks each and every one of us out of sin and damnation and makes us co-heirs. Man, how awesome is that and how easily do I take that for granted because I have everything I could ever want or need?
Even today I ask myself 'am I truly believing that everything is in God's hands?' I find myself wondering how to remove my definition of self, look to Christ, and have pure, undefiled joy and faith that He is in control. I need the faith of the village and the joy of Calvin to continually stir my emotions and remind me that Christ is in control and his will is best. Being an American and having so much 'stuff' doesn't make me dependent on Christ. It makes me thankful he provides, sure, but it doesn't point me back to what I should well know... if my world would fall apart tomorrow and I had nothing but my faith and Christ... that would be more that I could ever hope for.
'As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God...' -2 Timothy 6:17
Monday, May 28, 2012
The Rest is Just Living
"It is sad to think the greatest thing we could have ever done may have passed, and the rest of our lives is just living." - Levi Crane
My best friend from college and I used to contemplate things like this all the time. In fact, he still does. The quote above is from his facebook. It always kind of confounded me... How would I know if the greatest thing I've ever done has already passed... What would be the point of still living... and ultimately, why would I still be here after? These are things I never really wanted to think about but always did.
About a year ago, my life drastically changed. I was alone and in the depths of depression and had made about every bad choice possible. I cried out to God and he answered by placing me in a church parking lot... of which I promptly drove away from. But God, being full of grace and mercy somehow still completely changed my life.
When I think about the quote up above, my firm belief is that the greatest thing I have ever had happen in my life is Christ saving me. The moment I accepted, my life changed and has been changing ever since. Every day is another great day (even the bad ones) because God's mercy renews and covers me all over again. My heart is drawn closer to Him. My desires fall more in line with His. I learn and I grow and through it all I am blessed beyond measure.
The quote above no longer harbors a tone of despair, but one of hope. The greatest thing in my life HAS already passed... Christ saved me. And for 'the rest is just living part'? I get to 'just live' in service to a mighty, holy, and glorious God that my words can not do justice to describe. If that is the only thing I do in the rest of my life, man, that is good enough for the REST of my life.
My best friend from college and I used to contemplate things like this all the time. In fact, he still does. The quote above is from his facebook. It always kind of confounded me... How would I know if the greatest thing I've ever done has already passed... What would be the point of still living... and ultimately, why would I still be here after? These are things I never really wanted to think about but always did.
About a year ago, my life drastically changed. I was alone and in the depths of depression and had made about every bad choice possible. I cried out to God and he answered by placing me in a church parking lot... of which I promptly drove away from. But God, being full of grace and mercy somehow still completely changed my life.
When I think about the quote up above, my firm belief is that the greatest thing I have ever had happen in my life is Christ saving me. The moment I accepted, my life changed and has been changing ever since. Every day is another great day (even the bad ones) because God's mercy renews and covers me all over again. My heart is drawn closer to Him. My desires fall more in line with His. I learn and I grow and through it all I am blessed beyond measure.
The quote above no longer harbors a tone of despair, but one of hope. The greatest thing in my life HAS already passed... Christ saved me. And for 'the rest is just living part'? I get to 'just live' in service to a mighty, holy, and glorious God that my words can not do justice to describe. If that is the only thing I do in the rest of my life, man, that is good enough for the REST of my life.
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