Life as we know it

When I was in high school I had a friend die every year. As I faced each new year as a teen I also expected a new taste of death around each corner. Morbid I know, but in those days, it was sobering and reminded me that life is too short to leave lose ends and to live with drama, pain, and heart break. I did my best to survive those times, but it wasn't easy. I grieved with those who grieved, I hurt with those who hurt, and I comforted as much as possible with what little bit of love that I had to give. When I think back on those years, I think about depression, a messy home life, and a desire to run away in any way possible. While I was helping others, I was falling apart myself but college was just on the horizon and so was a bright future.

In 2005 I took off for college and never looked back. This was my chance to break away from the pain and to forget the past. I truly ran away. Just to run right into a web of half-truth teaching and more pain than I had experienced in high school. I lived three years as a confused college kid coming out of the haze that home life hadn't been normal, that I had more pain to deal with than I thought, and that I couldn't 'fix' or help my friends from college. I graduated college early because frankly, I couldn't handle the pain of being around another year to see people I loved crumble and fall apart.

In 2008 I moved to Houston and never looked back. I had money, what should have been a good career, and a bright future on the horizon, just as before. But money doesn't buy happiness and careers don't equal satisfaction. Falling deeper into depression I made some horrible life choices looking for satisfaction anywhere I could find it. Once again, I ran away.

I ended up in Nevada in 2009 working and that's when I hit my lowest point. that's also when Christ grabbed my heart and he has been holding it tight since. It's a gorgeous story of love, pursual, and redemption but for some reason, I thought that meant life would get easier. It doesn't.

I say all those things as a precursor to tonight. I spent tonight with my best friend and after lots of laughter and a few tears, we came to the realization that life doesn't get easier, and we don't really get better at it. In high school I kept telling myself I just had to survive until college. In college, I told myself I'd be happy once I was out of the hypocritical crazy world I was caught in. Once I had a career and money, I still wasn't satisfied. And now I have the thing that satisfies the most and guess what, life is still hard. We still fight depression. We still have to press into God to get through the day. Life throws curve balls at us daily. There are times I think back to high school and think 'man, that was a cake walk compared to what is happening now' and 'Geesh, I didn't think I'd ever be dealing with this kind of pain, how do I even bear this?'

Thankfully we have someone to bear that burden for us. My hope and prayer is that in 15 years from now, Lindsey and I will be sitting down crying over another hurt and pain and encouraging each other to continually turn to God and let him heal us. Because 15 years from now, I have a feeling that the things that are happening right now will be things that in retrospect weren't that hard after all.

While life doesn't get easier, our ability to trust, rely, and believe in God's continual goodness certainly does.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. - Romans 12:15 

The truth about Alaska and the functional movement CrossFit affords

     As many of you know, I ventured to Alaska for a week long camping/hiking/backwoods wilderness exploring trip. I must say, Alaska did NOT disappoint. I was amazed around every corner at the beauty of the rolling mountains - seemingly never ending and the abundant ponds, lakes, streams, and waterfalls around every bend. I didn't quite know what I would find, but I was hoping I was ready for anything.

     Just like every 'city-dweller' I had fears about how I'd deal with not bathing for a week, going to the bathroom in holes, and not having cell phone service but I told myself I was embracing it and would love the experience for everything it afforded... I'm not saying I'm not an outdoors person, but in recent years, city life has definitely taken over. Now it's quite a bit easier for me to go to the store to buy fish than to run down to the pond and catch it myself as would have happened in the good ole Boyd, Texas days.

     At the same time, I was also a bit worried about being able to keep up hiking and movement wise. I have been CrossFitting every day since I got back from Canada and I'm pleased - elated almost - to report I was not disappointed with my ability to keep up or the amount of 'functional movement' I used during the trip that I was glad I'd spent time building muscle for. The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and I was well prepared for Alaska because of it. Without further ado, in a comical rendition of 'name that movement' I shall list what I did and what movement it was like functionality wise.

Lunges - Because you need strong thighs to crack wood over.
Superman - When you're laying on your belly washing your hair in the river because you haven't bathed in a week.
Squats - Picking up wood you've gathered from all over the forest/eating/going to the bathroom etc etc.
Plate Carries - Taking said wood back to campground - through hell or high water.
Running - Rule one: cardio.
Box Jumps - For those steep mountains you have to climb while hiking.
Duck Walk - For crawling under glaciers just to see what's there.
The Inchworm -  Because I still can't figure out how to get out of a tent without almost bringing the whole thing down around me.
Hip Extensions - For hopping across (sometimes in) streams.

in regards to burpies? my ruling is (drum roll please) useless. I didn't need to roll around on the ground and hop up really fast at all in a week period. I'd like to boycott them... just sayin... hahaha someone pass that on to Barker for me!

The goal of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement” and because of CrossFit I am feeling healthy and am in the best shape I've probably ever been in. I'm thankful for this awesome life change I've embarked on and I'm even more thankful for getting to put it to good use in Alaska. It was a phenomenal trip and I can't wait to go back and experience more of the 'Last Frontier'!

 We spent the week picking wild rosehips and raspberries and eating em! I made some rosehip tea one day, it was yum!

 We spend another day exploring a mining town that had been active in the '30's. It was kind of creepy but a really cool place to visit.

 Hiking to the glacier this jeep passed us. I was a bit jealous bc it was a long hike and they were def having some offroading fun!

The First day of our trip this was part of the gorgeous drive. 

This waterfall was just breathtaking - and right on the side of the road!